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11/25/2021_ Give thanks! ULTRAVILE is complete. Listen here or any of the usual places. Give money, etc.

10/31/2021_ Satan, it's your birthday / Happy birthday, Satan! It's been a not bad Halloween weekend. I spent most of Saturday working on art and talking to de Sade from PPMG about our shared neo-Luddite tendencies. After a quick run to the liquor store, I ordered delivery from Marco's and finished the night with a spooky movie marathon, timing it perfect so midnight came right at the part in Eraserhead where Henry cuts the gauze holding together his "baby" and punctures its exposed organs with the scissors, and all that nasty creamed corn shit comes squirting out. I started today with a hangover, normal for Sunday, and lungs full of tar from last night's cigarettes. I had leftover pizza and Halloween candy for breakfast, then set about making a new SoundCloud profile to get around their free upload limit. The first tracks I posted were the remainder of EW&LF, which I didn't have room for on the main account (that's the real reason I even bothered with that failed experiment in paid bandcamp downloads). There's track art for all eight songs on the album now, with my favorite being Half-Chub Time Machine's. The new EP should be finished in a few weeks. Until then, or until the urge for another E/N-style front page update hits me, Happy Halloweiner, fuck yourself, and go to hell.

09/21/2021_ This is the one-year anniversary of the SLIMECOP Homepage, and I wish I'd thought to do something cool to celebrate. I wish for a lot of things--and meanwhile, my Other Hand is Filled with Shit. So how about some NEWS, since that's what this section of the page is supposedly about? I'm working on some new songs for a quick n' dirty little EP, tentatively called Ultravile, which should be finished soon. I'm trying not to obsess over small details or get too ambitious. That's what I did last time, and I think the results were kind of disappointing. So for this album, I'm keeping my expectations low. You can't fail if you never try!

07/04/2021_ Independence Day, 2021...I don't remember what I did for the 4th last year, but I'm sure I just stayed home and drank. That was pretty much every day from March 2020-June '21. But today was different. Today I left home briefly, saw that everything was closed for the holiday, then came back home and drank. People in the neighborhood were setting off huge fireworks, and I made my token contribution by lighting a few M-80s and tossing them in the back yard. This holiday mostly brings to mind the smell of mosquito repellent (summer mosquitos were fucking horrible in the flat, ricegrowing part of the state I grew up in) and fireworks going off over the lake at Craighead Forest Park. One particularly memorable 4th for me was in 2007. A friend of mine was renting a house from his brother, and several other friends were living there. I hung out at that house all summer. On the 4th of July, we ended up playing a game called Vietnam, where we chased each other around the house throwing fireworks at each other. I got pinned down in the garage, so I grabbed a rusted-out 16 gauge shotgun salvaged from an old farmhouse and jammed a bunch of bottle rockets down the barrel. I couldn't figure out how to light all the fuses at once, so I poured some kind of flammable liquid on the gun and lit the whole thing on fire. I held it out in front of me while the bottle rockets went off at random, trying to aim them at my friend, who was tossing bombs into the garage which screamed as they bounced off the walls and exploded a few feet away from me. I miss being stupid...so anyway, fuck America and fuck you too.

05/02/2021_ The new album EATING WIRES & LIGHTING FIRES has just been posted. It's a half-hour of brain poison that makes you die. You can stream it from the album page as usual, and if you like it (or if you just feel like throwing your money away), you can download it on my bandcamp page for the price of a Little Caesar's Hot-N-Ready pizza.

01/24/2021_ As a weekend project, I re-recorded the dismember the '90s LP on an old VCR to give it a more authentically shitty sound. You can listen to the results here. I consider this the definitive version of the album, and since I'm the only person who will ever listen to the fucker I guess that makes me a goddamn expert.

12/24/2020_This blighted fucking year is almost at an end. I've got no major updates, but I thought I'd make one last post before 2020 is over, just to keep the front page looking current. In honor of Father Christmas, brutally martyred in the scum pits of Dinghis Khan exactly two thousand and twenty years ago tomorrow, I've got a seasonally-appropriate link from the archives: the Newgrounds Christmas Collection, as it appeared on 12/17/01. You can't really get the full effect since Flash is now seemingly unusable in any browser, at least if you're running an up-to-date version of Windows. People who are cool enough to still have a Windows 98 or XP machine working might be able to experience the magic of dead baby dress-up or Pico's School, but the rest of us can just eat shit and die I guess. This isn't really a big deal, since the Ruffle emulator makes it possible to run old Flash content in a modern browser, but anything that isn't deliberately archived is apparently just gone. That means old Web sites that made heavy use of Flash objects (including some of mine) will now be unviewable in their original state. It's the farthest thing from a tragedy in a year full of real-life horrors, but it still marks the end of an era. The Flash Age, or something... What the fuck was I talking about?

10/31/2020_Happy birthday, Satan! To celebrate the birth of our Lord Below, I've added some spooky sites to the Archived Oddities section of the links page. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish hiding dirty needles and razor blades in this Halloween candy.

10/11/2020_There's now an embedded midi version of the dismember the '90s? theme that autoplays on this page. Unfortunately, it only seems to work in Internet Explorer. Chrome will let you open the file outside the browser in Windows Media Player. With Firefox, it doesn't work at all. As for Edge, Safari, or obscure browsers known only to 1337 h4x0r d00dz, I have no idea. I do know that browser incompatibility was a normal part of the '90s internet experience, so consider this a feature.

10/7/2020_ I've added an excerpt from my novel Pizza of Death to the Book page. If you have the sudden, irrational urge to give me some money, you can go to the Pizza of Death Amazon page and buy it for the low, low price of $4.99.

10/4/2020_The Music section has been updated with pages for each album, complete with summaries that are WAY TOO LONG. Some of the info might be interesting to the six people who have listened to this shit.

9/21/2020_Today marks the creation of the official SLIMECOP Web page, not counting the various SoundBandClickSpace pages that already exist. I hate those clean-looking generic templates. This one is as ugly and messy as inside my head. This is the first homepage I've fucked around with since 2003, but it's coming back to me pretty fast. Somehow I've gotten better at ripping off HTML from other sites in the meantime. Thanks to the archive, there's endless bad Web design to plunder from the relevant era (1996-2003). In the coming days, I'll continue adding features and making this a proper homepage.

The following is an example of erotic Hot Wheels Attack Pack fanfiction (posted on alt.sex.truckfuckers June 6 1996) Mary trembled with fear under the white-hot glare of the K.C. lights, clutching her arms around herself as the beast growled. Its jaws were still dripping with the shredded remnants of her boyfriend Steve. The creature's breath, reeking of diesel exhaust and rotted meat, washed over her in a gust of hot air which blew up her skirt around her thighs. She reached down to cover her modesty, but her hand met a cold, hard piece of steel. Mary looked down to see a tow hook on the end of a chain snaking up her leg. It was connected to the hitch on the backside of the creature, just above the dangling nutsack which first alerted her that this tiger-striped abomination was, quite literally, a monster truck. "Look, Mary! Truck nuts!" Steve had exclaimed, pointing to a pickup with giant tractor tires as they walked through the parking lot at night. "Make a wish!" Steve ran laughing to the rear bumper of the vehicle and began tickling the life-like scrotum which hung there like heavy fruit. "Gosh, they're warm!" And then the truck ate him. Now, in this deserted parking lot on the outskirts of town, it loomed over the dead man's girlfriend. The row of bright lights above the cab illuminated its garish fluorescent orange and tiger-stripe paint job and the gleaming chrome of the engine, which emerged from a cut-out in the hood. But the one detail that stood out the most for Mary was the enormous, slobbering jaws that opened up beneath the hood, filled with rows of needle-sharp fangs and a slimy pink tongue. Pinned to the spot by the lights, Mary whimpered in terror as the tow hook caught the hem of her skirt and slowly lifted it up above her waist, exposing her skimpy black panties. She reflexively tried to pull her skirt back down and the beast roared in fury, suddenly pulling the hook up and through her clothes, tearing them off of her instantly in an explosion of torn fabric. Before she could cover her big, sexy boobs, the prehensile chain-tail wrapped around her arms and yanked her up by the wrists to dangle in the air. The truck inched forward until its front bumper was nearly touching her knees and the engine throbbed as it seemed to sniff her. "No!" Mary cried as the monster's tongue emerged from the engine compartment and began sliding up her inner thigh. It was rough as sandpaper and dripping with slime. When it reached her panties, it began rhythmically lapping at her crotch as she kicked her legs helplessly. Finally discovering the elastic waistband, the tongue slid Mary's panties off and continued exploring her naked pussy vagina as her cries of protest became moans of pleasure. Then, from beneath the rear axle of the vehicle, something flopped heavily to the pavement and began to unfurl like a firehose covered in pulsing veins...for this monster truck had a monster dong as well. Mary screamed when she realized the beast's intentions as the enormous phallic tentacle inflated with motor oil and bio-mechanical sperm. "P-please, don't put that thing in me!" she sputtered, but her pleas for mercy only seemed to inspire greater lust in the murderous rape machine. The tip of of its now fully-engorged member, like the head of some huge, eyeless snake, began to rise up from the ground until it was level with her snatch. She tried in vain to cross her legs, but the big dingus suddenly thrust forward like a striking cobra, pushing between her thighs and into her slit in an instant. Mary felt like a heavyweight boxer had just punched her right in the pussy and was trying to force his glove into her uterus. She shrieked in pain and fear as foot after foot of anaconda-like dick packed itself down her love tunnel, stretching her out like an old turtleneck in the process. The beast revved its engine in excitement and rocked back and forth as it violated her body relentlessly. Huge bulges began moving down the length of the monster's shaft as it delivered its payload: a school of stainless steel tadpoles swimming toward Mary's fertile womb to spawn. She wailed and thrashed in agony as they chewed her tender innards with metallic teeth, converting her organ tissue into the component parts of a terrible new life form. ... Officer Haley swept her patrol car's spotlight across the parking lot, looking for signs of criminal activity. She nearly did a double-take as her light picked out an impossible sight: a naked and heavily pregnant woman lying sprawled on her back in an empty parking space. What was she doing here at two in the morning? Without even bothering to radio in, Haley jumped from the car and ran toward the woman to render aid, turning on her flashlight as she went. Her ample hooters bounced around beneath the tight blue fabric of her police uniform. "Ma'am? Are you alright?" she called out. The pregnant woman only moaned in response. Her swollen belly bulged strangely...almost as if something were trying to force its way out through the tightly-stretched skin. Haley stepped closer, noting the large puddle of thick, amber-colored fluid spreading out from beneath the woman. It smelled like burnt motor oil. "Try to remain calm," Haley blurted out, realizing as she said it how stupid it sounded. Haley reached out to take the woman's hand, when the woman suddenly let out a shriek of agony and doubled forward in pain. Her stomach heaved outward and then popped in a fountain of bloody guts, spraying Officer Haley with gore. She stepped back, spitting and wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve. When she looked up, she saw the second impossible sight of her shift: what appeared to be a remote control truck, much like the one she bought at Radio Shack for her nephew last Christmas, drove out of the pregnant woman's ruptured abdomen and started doing donuts in her steaming entrails. "What the fuck?" Haley asked the universe, and the r.c. truck replied by popping a wheelie and roaring like an animal. Before she knew it, the policewoman had pulled and emptied her gun into the vehicular monstrosity before her, blowing it to scrap. She stood there panting with the empty gun smoking in her hand, unable to make sense of what had just happened. She was startled out of her daze by a hot gust of foul-smelling air blowing on the back of her neck. She turned around to see that somehow, a pickup truck with giant tractor tires had snuck up behind her. Before her mind could process that, the grill of the truck split open in an enormous toothy grin and a slime-dripping tongue stretched toward her. Haley didn't scream until she saw the creature's dick, and then she screamed and screamed and screamed...

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Last updated: 25 November, 2021 by Lush Rimjob.