WARNING: This site and its contents are the products of a diseased mind. Proceed at your own risk...

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02/04/2024_ They had a do-over of the compilation premier for some reason, so I've fixed the links in the last post. I happened to check it out right before Man With A Pussy started, and I had the pleasure of seeing a few strangers on the internet comment on my music in real time. I'm glad I was able to share the Pussy Goblin with some small part of the world.

01/28/2024_ I got invited to contribute to a music compilation put together by something calling itself Savage Narcotic. My contribution starts here. This is the first one of these I've been a part of, and I've got to admit, it was fun watching the chat during the premier, hoping that somebody would react to hearing "I'M THE PUSSY GOBLIN! I WILL EAT--MMHMMM--YOUR PUSSY!!!" No one said anything, but hopefully at least one person out there in YouTube Land popped a megaboner so hard their dick shot out of their foreskin like a ketchuppy hotdog squirting out the bun and it hit the wall and just stuck there...About 20 years ago, there was an attempt by some people in the Northeast Arkansas music scene to promote local artists under the label OUR Records, with "OUR" being a goofy backronym standing for "Overcoming and Undermining the Republic." They put out a few compilations, and some friends of mine contributed with some of the most offensive music ever made. It kinda felt Big Time, like something really cool was about to happen and I might be invited to tag along...instead it just petered out. I have no idea if any of the people involved in OUR Records actually ended up having "real" music careers, but there's not really a local scene in NEA any more as far as I can tell. It's one of those places people tend to escape from at the first opportunity.

12/29/2023_ It's the gray, dead week between Christmas and New Year's and my work is so slow right now that it feels like time has stopped. But I don't really mind, because the coming year scares the shit out of me. 2024 promises to be unbelievably fucking stupid and I would just as soon hang out here in 2023 for a little while longer. Last night I spent several hours stuck on Wendy's Castle in Super Mario World and it brought back all the frustration and rage of just ALMOST beating a level only to die to some stupid fuckup at the last second that you tend to forget in your nostalgic memories of childhood video gaming sessions. One of the controllers for my SNES still has these little rat-like teethmarks embedded in the plastic from where I bit it in a fury during a section of Donkey Kong Country 2 I couldn't get past. After multiple visits to Yoshi's Island 2 to stock up on lives, I finally stomped the bitch's brains out and wiped her castle off the map. For dinner I made a salad from the leftover Christmas ham. The dead pig was beautiful with a really lovely glaze, but it was sadly freezerburnt to the point of being almost inedible. For Christmas dinner, we had to pick around the darker, freezerburnt bits, so those are mostly what I brought home with me. To cover up the taste, I blended her smooth and mixed in chopped pickles, green olives, lettuce, sliced provelone and pepperoni, sweet peppers, mayo, olive oil, vinegar, and hot mustard, with a few shakes of Italian seasoning and black pepper. It turned out great, and I've got enough to have sandwiches for days. I'd make a good housewife to a sweaty, alcoholic Don Draper type who neglects me emotionally and brings home venereal diseases from his WHORES.

11/29/2023_ I found a worse one: HARVEST HAMCAKES. That's pancakes with Deviled Ham filling. Look at that picture and tell me you would eat that. Appropriately, the table it's sitting on looks like some kind of Satanic altar.

11/24/2023_ I've been digging into Better Homes and Gardens magazines from the late '60s as research for a new project. The library in Burlingame, CA was nice enough to scan the back issues in their collection, some of which you can find here. Mainly I'm interested in the graphic design and the ads, but I've also found some truly bizarre recipes, like this Fruited Pot Roast or the Crab Supper Pie. The ads for food products had some of the weirdest ones. Here's a Miracle Whip ad with a recipe for Savory-Frosted Meatloaf, a meatloaf frosted all over like a cake with salad dressing. Yum.

10/06/2023_ SC friend Mister Kyle (AKA Heavy Sixer) has a new project: The Technicolor Theatre of the Ear. It's like an old-timey radio show gone pornographic, scatological, and just plain fucking weird. Featuring the voice talents of many famous dead people thanks to AI Satanic black magic. Sick shit!

09/21/2023_ It's been three years today since I started this site. Mainly it was just something to do to keep from going stir crazy, as well as a vanity project that allowed me to indulge my Elder Millennial nostalgia for the Web 1.0 homepage aesthetic... My very first Web site was an extremely crude Geocities page made sometime in the Spring of 2001. I wish I could remember the name to see if it ever got archived. I'm pretty sure it was a just a single page crammed with Wolf 3D .gifs and shock images stolen from rotten.com with a black bar MS-Painted over the watermark to make them "mine." I added an interactive banner from Newgrounds that was kind of a half-assed game. Pretty sure it was the one where you can explode the dancing hamsters by hovering your mouse cursor over them. Looking for that just now, I noticed that Ruffle is integrated into archived Web pages, so you can actually see what they looked like back when embedded Flash objects and menus were the coolest thing. I had a little inferiority complex about the shitty .gif animations I based my second Geocities page around, because they ran in a loop instead of playing on command like a Flash movie. It would take me a few years to pirate and learn to use Flash, which turned out to be a curse in disguise. Since I decided it would be cool to have all of my links accessible only from an animated Flash menu, the page with all my .gif animations didn't get Webcrawled and archived before Geocities went down. The song Christ Consuming the Unborn was my tribute to the best of these, a cartoon showing what happens to the souls of aborted fetuses (Jesus eats them). The lyrics are basically a scene-by-scene recreation of that lost masterpiece, which is probably why it's such a fucking mess. My later sites would all be hosted on Angelfire, which I thought of as more advanced somehow. Looking back on it, I'm sure I made at least half a dozen different Web sites through junior high and high school, though I've only been able to find two of them (which I will not be sharing). I dropped Web design altogether as a hobby after 10th grade, after we cancelled our unbearably slow 56k internet connection at home. I didn't pick it up again until 2020. Now, three years later, I'm really happy that I did. I know it's just a vanity project, I know I'm only talking to myself on here, I know that 99% of my traffic is probably farting fucking robots...but I like it anyway. It's mine.

09/11/2023_ In memory of 9/11, here's a scan of METAL EDGE Magazine's special 9/11 issue, published soon after the attacks. I've got a writeup on it posted on the links page as well. For some reason, music magazines don't get archived very frequently, or maybe they just get taken down more than other publications. So here's a slice of embarrassing pop culture history to remind you how weird and stupid everything got right after those towers fell. Never Forget.

08/10/2023_ New album complete. Check out "WHY OHIO?" if you want more crazy bullshit in your life. I might be biased, but I think it's pretty good.

07/20/2023_ Three new songs are up on the SLIMECOP(jr) SoundClown page: Mothmen at Work, BeasTV, and Golf Cart with Guillotine. I like this pace of work much better than the week-long crunch to hurry up and just get it the fuck over with that I've used on recent albums. Hopefully the end result is better too.

07/04/2023_ The first two songs for the new SLIMECOP album have been posted on SC. The album will be 10 tracks and a little over half an hour long and I'll be finishing songs and posting them in batches of two or three until it's done sometime in August. I wanted to get these two out there in time for ID4, mainly because The Final Cookout has the lyric "all the flags are on fire on the fourth of July" and I wanted it to feel timely for at least 24 hours.

05/16/2023_ A few updates: I've set up a SpaceHey profile so I can jack myself off about how much better the internet used to be on two different platforms. I've also got a new magazine scan uploaded and a writeup on it in the Archived Oddities section. This time, it's porn.

04/04/2023_ I've added a new Internet Archive upload to the links page. This one is a Johnson Smith Company Things You Never Knew Existed catalog from Fall 2001. I used to look at these all the time as a kid, but the only one I could find a scan of online was from '91. Hopefully I've done a service to any other weirdos out there obsessed with decades old cultural ephemera.

02/28/2023_ I recently decided to start scanning and uploading some of the old magazines and comic book trash I've got piled up in my closet. This stuff has been building up for years. My original justification was that I could cut it up for collage someday, but I also just plain like it, and some of it is obscure enough that digital copies don't exist anywhere online. So I'm going to make a regular feature out of my latest uploads to the Internet Archive, in hopes that these stupid things don't disappear forever. I've got the first one posted to the Archived Oddities section of the links page.

01/16/2023_ Seven years ago today, King of the Ooze was finished and posted on SoundCamp. This was my first real attempt at music after years of making small contributions to projects by certain unnamed accomplices. I gave it a listen this afternoon to see how it holds up, and I've got to say: it sucked then and it sucks now.

12/31/2022_ A little while back, I started thinking of how I would explain this project to any of the normal people in my life who don't know I waste an inordinate amount of time creating weird bullshit with an audience you could count on both hands (and that's only including the middle fingers). I put together a playlist of the least embarrassing tracks I've recorded, which necessarily excludes anything made during the time when I was recording vocals on my cellphone inside my car because I lived in an apartment with eggshell-thin walls and scary people on the other side whose attention I wanted desperately to avoid. I came up with the tracklist fairly quickly, made up of the best songs from each album from mid-2018 up through last year. It took longer to think of a good title for the compilation, until I finally opted for a title that's no good at all: Ultimate SLIMECOP II Turbo: Rampage Edition. In the final hours of the final night of 2022, possibly the last year before we are all consumed in atomic fire, this is my present to you.

12/18/2022_ The first [Pre-Historic DickWORM] album was released today, exactly one year after the video for Get VaXXXed! was unleached upon the world. This thing started as a one-off, then quickly became a project based on releasing only "singles" and music videos. After we'd recorded four or five tracks, we just decided to keep going and call it an album. I'm really happy with how it turned out, and even happier with how fun it was to help make it. I've been making "art" with De Sade since 2006, and this is easily the coolest thing we've done. Go to bandcamp now and catch the DickWORM fever!

10/22/2022_ Just in time for Halloween, the grossest shit you've ever seen: the Groovy Graveyard Gangbang has arrived. It's another Fun Size release at five tracks and just over 20 minutes, making it the perfect soundtrack for your annual descent into the Pit of Abominations beneath the old cemetary. Give it a listen and go to hell.

08/20/2022_ The new SLIMECOP EP is underway, with the release planned for Halloween. I've been playing around with some new plugins and tools, like this bitcrusher that makes my crappy little synths sound Extra Crunchy. It's a free download, so it fits right in with my philosophy about never paying for anything unless I have to. The amount of free VSTs, sample libraries, and software available now blows my ageing, amyloid plaque-encrusted mind. When I was making my earliest feeble attempts at electronic music as a kid, your only real options were piracy or credit card fraud. Or learning how to use an instrument. Shoulda gone with number three.

06/15/2022_ I've added a new section to the links page for music people I've collaborated with. I was doing a lot of that earlier this year, before getting tangled up in personal projects. I'll keep adding to this section as it (hopefully) grows.

04/20/2022_ It's the 23rd anniversary of the Columbine High School massacre, as well as the 17th anniversary of Super Columbine Massacre RPG! Anniversaries which mean nothing. Three years ago, I had a half-assed idea to do a 20th anniversary "tribute" album released on 04/20/2019, but this didn't come to anything more than an idle fantasy. I settled for using some clips pulled from the Rampart Range video on Hail Gay Satan and dismember the '90s? For a proper Columbine tribute, see this touching song by PMERM.

02/20/2022_ The DickWORM just released another disgusting video. This time they've ruined seafood, canned clam chowder, and spinach. Maybe it's because this one's in color, or maybe it's all the chunky, semi-liquid foodstuffs being slurped and smeared around by grown men in their 30s, but I think this one is even grosser than the last. I'm back doing vocals again as Dr. Spooge, while De Sade produced the music and created the video as an excuse to get dressed up and act like a whore.

12/19/2021_ Old PPMG friends de Sade and the Rev. Gothic Harvey made a music video for their new project, [Pre-Historic DickWORM]. It's a Silent Hill-themed porno parody of anti-vaxx/pro-Trump politics, and it will almost certainly be taken down from YouTube for simulated masturbation and spurting fluids. I'm the fucker with the salad tongs in the video.

11/25/2021_ Give thanks! ULTRAVILE is complete. Listen here or any of the usual places. Give money, etc.

10/31/2021_ Satan, it's your birthday / Happy birthday, Satan! It's been a not bad Halloween weekend. I spent most of Saturday working on art and talking to de Sade from PPMG about our shared neo-Luddite tendencies. After a quick run to the liquor store, I ordered delivery from Marco's and finished the night with a spooky movie marathon, timing it perfect so midnight came right at the part in Eraserhead where Henry cuts the gauze holding together his "baby" and punctures its exposed organs with the scissors, and all that nasty creamed corn shit comes squirting out. I started today with a hangover, normal for Sunday, and lungs full of tar from last night's cigarettes. I had leftover pizza and Halloween candy for breakfast, then set about making a new SoundCloud profile to get around their free upload limit. The first tracks I posted were the remainder of EW&LF, which I didn't have room for on the main account (that's the real reason I even bothered with that failed experiment in paid bandcamp downloads). There's track art for all eight songs on the album now, with my favorite being Half-Chub Time Machine's. The new EP should be finished in a few weeks. Until then, or until the urge for another E/N-style front page update hits me, Happy Halloweiner, fuck yourself, and go to hell.

09/21/2021_ This is the one-year anniversary of the SLIMECOP Homepage, and I wish I'd thought to do something cool to celebrate. I wish for a lot of things--and meanwhile, my Other Hand is Filled with Shit. So how about some NEWS, since that's what this section of the page is supposedly about? I'm working on some new songs for a quick n' dirty little EP, tentatively called Ultravile, which should be finished soon. I'm trying not to obsess over small details or get too ambitious. That's what I did last time, and I think the results were kind of disappointing. So for this album, I'm keeping my expectations low. You can't fail if you never try!

07/04/2021_ Independence Day, 2021...I don't remember what I did for the 4th last year, but I'm sure I just stayed home and drank. That was pretty much every day from March 2020-June '21. But today was different. Today I left home briefly, saw that everything was closed for the holiday, then came back home and drank. People in the neighborhood were setting off huge fireworks, and I made my token contribution by lighting a few M-80s and tossing them in the back yard. This holiday mostly brings to mind the smell of mosquito repellent (summer mosquitos were fucking horrible in the flat, ricegrowing part of the state I grew up in) and fireworks going off over the lake at Craighead Forest Park. One particularly memorable 4th for me was in 2007. A friend of mine was renting a house from his brother, and several other friends were living there. I hung out at that house all summer. On the 4th of July, we ended up playing a game called Vietnam, where we chased each other around the house throwing fireworks at each other. I got pinned down in the garage, so I grabbed a rusted-out 16 gauge shotgun salvaged from an old farmhouse and jammed a bunch of bottle rockets down the barrel. I couldn't figure out how to light all the fuses at once, so I poured some kind of flammable liquid on the gun and lit the whole thing on fire. I held it out in front of me while the bottle rockets went off at random, trying to aim them at my friend, who was tossing bombs into the garage which screamed as they bounced off the walls and exploded a few feet away from me. I miss being stupid...so anyway, fuck America and fuck you too.

05/02/2021_ The new album EATING WIRES & LIGHTING FIRES has just been posted. It's a half-hour of brain poison that makes you die. You can stream it from the album page as usual, and if you like it (or if you just feel like throwing your money away), you can download it on my bandcamp page for the price of a Little Caesar's Hot-N-Ready pizza.

01/24/2021_ As a weekend project, I re-recorded the dismember the '90s LP on an old VCR to give it a more authentically shitty sound. You can listen to the results here. I consider this the definitive version of the album, and since I'm the only person who will ever listen to the fucker I guess that makes me a goddamn expert.

12/24/2020_This blighted fucking year is almost at an end. I've got no major updates, but I thought I'd make one last post before 2020 is over, just to keep the front page looking current. In honor of Father Christmas, brutally martyred in the scum pits of Dinghis Khan exactly two thousand and twenty years ago tomorrow, I've got a seasonally-appropriate link from the archives: the Newgrounds Christmas Collection, as it appeared on 12/17/01. You can't really get the full effect since Flash is now seemingly unusable in any browser, at least if you're running an up-to-date version of Windows. People who are cool enough to still have a Windows 98 or XP machine working might be able to experience the magic of dead baby dress-up or Pico's School, but the rest of us can just eat shit and die I guess. This isn't really a big deal, since the Ruffle emulator makes it possible to run old Flash content in a modern browser, but anything that isn't deliberately archived is apparently just gone. That means old Web sites that made heavy use of Flash objects (including some of mine) will now be unviewable in their original state. It's the farthest thing from a tragedy in a year full of real-life horrors, but it still marks the end of an era. The Flash Age, or something... What the fuck was I talking about?

10/31/2020_Happy birthday, Satan! To celebrate the birth of our Lord Below, I've added some spooky sites to the Archived Oddities section of the links page. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish hiding dirty needles and razor blades in this Halloween candy.

10/11/2020_There's now an embedded midi version of the dismember the '90s? theme that autoplays on this page. Unfortunately, it only seems to work in Internet Explorer. Chrome will let you open the file outside the browser in Windows Media Player. With Firefox, it doesn't work at all. As for Edge, Safari, or obscure browsers known only to 1337 h4x0r d00dz, I have no idea. I do know that browser incompatibility was a normal part of the '90s internet experience, so consider this a feature.

10/7/2020_ I've added an excerpt from my novel Pizza of Death to the Book page. If you have the sudden, irrational urge to give me some money, you can go to the Pizza of Death Amazon page and buy it for the low, low price of $4.99.

10/4/2020_The Music section has been updated with pages for each album, complete with summaries that are WAY TOO LONG. Some of the info might be interesting to the six people who have listened to this shit.

9/21/2020_Today marks the creation of the official SLIMECOP Web page, not counting the various SoundBandClickSpace pages that already exist. I hate those clean-looking generic templates. This one is as ugly and messy as inside my head. This is the first homepage I've fucked around with since 2003, but it's coming back to me pretty fast. Somehow I've gotten better at ripping off HTML from other sites in the meantime. Thanks to the archive, there's endless bad Web design to plunder from the relevant era (1996-2003). In the coming days, I'll continue adding features and making this a proper homepage.

The following is an example of erotic Hot Wheels Attack Pack fanfiction (posted on alt.sex.truckfuckers June 6 1996) Mary trembled with fear under the white-hot glare of the K.C. lights, clutching her arms around herself as the beast growled. Its jaws were still dripping with the shredded remnants of her boyfriend Steve. The creature's breath, reeking of diesel exhaust and rotted meat, washed over her in a gust of hot air which blew up her skirt around her thighs. She reached down to cover her modesty, but her hand met a cold, hard piece of steel. Mary looked down to see a tow hook on the end of a chain snaking up her leg. It was connected to the hitch on the backside of the creature, just above the dangling nutsack which first alerted her that this tiger-striped abomination was, quite literally, a monster truck. "Look, Mary! Truck nuts!" Steve had exclaimed, pointing to a pickup with giant tractor tires as they walked through the parking lot at night. "Make a wish!" Steve ran laughing to the rear bumper of the vehicle and began tickling the life-like scrotum which hung there like heavy fruit. "Gosh, they're warm!" And then the truck ate him. Now, in this deserted parking lot on the outskirts of town, it loomed over the dead man's girlfriend. The row of bright lights above the cab illuminated its garish fluorescent orange and tiger-stripe paint job and the gleaming chrome of the engine, which emerged from a cut-out in the hood. But the one detail that stood out the most for Mary was the enormous, slobbering jaws that opened up beneath the hood, filled with rows of needle-sharp fangs and a slimy pink tongue. Pinned to the spot by the lights, Mary whimpered in terror as the tow hook caught the hem of her skirt and slowly lifted it up above her waist, exposing her skimpy black panties. She reflexively tried to pull her skirt back down and the beast roared in fury, suddenly pulling the hook up and through her clothes, tearing them off of her instantly in an explosion of torn fabric. Before she could cover her big, sexy boobs, the prehensile chain-tail wrapped around her arms and yanked her up by the wrists to dangle in the air. The truck inched forward until its front bumper was nearly touching her knees and the engine throbbed as it seemed to sniff her. "No!" Mary cried as the monster's tongue emerged from the engine compartment and began sliding up her inner thigh. It was rough as sandpaper and dripping with slime. When it reached her panties, it began rhythmically lapping at her crotch as she kicked her legs helplessly. Finally discovering the elastic waistband, the tongue slid Mary's panties off and continued exploring her naked pussy vagina as her cries of protest became moans of pleasure. Then, from beneath the rear axle of the vehicle, something flopped heavily to the pavement and began to unfurl like a firehose covered in pulsing veins...for this monster truck had a monster dong as well. Mary screamed when she realized the beast's intentions as the enormous phallic tentacle inflated with motor oil and bio-mechanical sperm. "P-please, don't put that thing in me!" she sputtered, but her pleas for mercy only seemed to inspire greater lust in the murderous rape machine. The tip of of its now fully-engorged member, like the head of some huge, eyeless snake, began to rise up from the ground until it was level with her snatch. She tried in vain to cross her legs, but the big dingus suddenly thrust forward like a striking cobra, pushing between her thighs and into her slit in an instant. Mary felt like a heavyweight boxer had just punched her right in the pussy and was trying to force his glove into her uterus. She shrieked in pain and fear as foot after foot of anaconda-like dick packed itself down her love tunnel, stretching her out like an old turtleneck in the process. The beast revved its engine in excitement and rocked back and forth as it violated her body relentlessly. Huge bulges began moving down the length of the monster's shaft as it delivered its payload: a school of stainless steel tadpoles swimming toward Mary's fertile womb to spawn. She wailed and thrashed in agony as they chewed her tender innards with metallic teeth, converting her organ tissue into the component parts of a terrible new life form. ... Officer Haley swept her patrol car's spotlight across the parking lot, looking for signs of criminal activity. She nearly did a double-take as her light picked out an impossible sight: a naked and heavily pregnant woman lying sprawled on her back in an empty parking space. What was she doing here at two in the morning? Without even bothering to radio in, Haley jumped from the car and ran toward the woman to render aid, turning on her flashlight as she went. Her ample hooters bounced around beneath the tight blue fabric of her police uniform. "Ma'am? Are you alright?" she called out. The pregnant woman only moaned in response. Her swollen belly bulged strangely...almost as if something were trying to force its way out through the tightly-stretched skin. Haley stepped closer, noting the large puddle of thick, amber-colored fluid spreading out from beneath the woman. It smelled like burnt motor oil. "Try to remain calm," Haley blurted out, realizing as she said it how stupid it sounded. Haley reached out to take the woman's hand, when the woman suddenly let out a shriek of agony and doubled forward in pain. Her stomach heaved outward and then popped in a fountain of bloody guts, spraying Officer Haley with gore. She stepped back, spitting and wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve. When she looked up, she saw the second impossible sight of her shift: what appeared to be a remote control truck, much like the one she bought at Radio Shack for her nephew last Christmas, drove out of the pregnant woman's ruptured abdomen and started doing donuts in her steaming entrails. "What the fuck?" Haley asked the universe, and the r.c. truck replied by popping a wheelie and roaring like an animal. Before she knew it, the policewoman had pulled and emptied her gun into the vehicular monstrosity before her, blowing it to scrap. She stood there panting with the empty gun smoking in her hand, unable to make sense of what had just happened. She was startled out of her daze by a hot gust of foul-smelling air blowing on the back of her neck. She turned around to see that somehow, a pickup truck with giant tractor tires had snuck up behind her. Before her mind could process that, the grill of the truck split open in an enormous toothy grin and a slime-dripping tongue stretched toward her. Haley didn't scream until she saw the creature's dick, and then she screamed and screamed and screamed...

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Last updated: 04 February, 2024 by Lush Rimjob.