Suicide Gun Collection

what happens to a suicide pistol?

peeled out from a sticky puddle on the kitchen floor

leaving a gun-shaped outline on the lineoleum

and taken into evidence until cause of death can be determined

as if it wasn't fucking obvious

the farmer's last supper, zip-locked in a baggy

and if the family doesn't want the leftovers

it goes to auction

and maybe

someday

comes

to

me

i have kind of a big collection

let me show you

here

two of my favorites

rescues from the evidence locker of a colorado county sheriff:

a sawed-off savage-springfield pump and a tec 9 mini with threaded barrel

powdered white by the forensic team

and stained in places

rusty-brown

crime-scene guns get dusted, not cleaned

most of my pieces don't have an infamous history

but all of them have a story

here's just a few

the hi-point 9mm:

a handgun for the man on a budget

it combines the ergonomics of a cordless power drill

with the aesthetic appeal of those chunky plastic remote controls that have giant buttons so old people can see the numbers

same size, same greasy black plastic manufactured by dupont chemical

david just wanted to keep his family safe

the neighborhood was getting worse all the time

and the car got broken into again

second time this year

so

he

went to the fun store to buy some protection

meaning to get a glock or a smith and wesson

something he could recognize from rap lyrics

instead

he came home with a hi-point

the price was right

a few hundred less than even a used glock

and he felt very pleased with himself

not for long

that night

he would discover

sometimes you get what you pay for

when the door bust in

it was like something in a dream

the gun was in his hands before he knew it

and he racked the slide like they showed him in the store

lined up the sights as they came up the stairs

and pulled the trigger

click

no bang

he didn't have time to find out why

the weapon failed to fire

before they took it

from his hands

and beat the shit out of him with it

and took whatever they wanted

as his wife tried to console the children

in the end, they didn't even take the gun

they knew junk when they saw it

the wife took the kids

to stay with her parents

dad was not invited

one

bad

evening

drinking alone

he looked in the mirror with the gun against his temple

like he's about to trepan himself with a black & decker

and pulled the trigger

and this time

it worked

a .38 snub-nose detective special revolver

a film-noir relic hidden long years in a bureau drawer

loaded with six soft-lead roundnose bullets of the type long out of fashion with police, much like the gun itself

the place had been abandoned for years

down a country road with no traffic and no visitors

to notice when the old man died

and no neighbors

to complain about the smell

but the local stray dogs followed it right in through the propped-open door

and spread him all over the property

the kids were hunting for empty houses

way out in the middle of nowhere

that they could loot for cool stuff

old tools, a dead man's clothes

and guns

if they were lucky

kyle got lucky

he was first to the bureau drawer

so the .38 was his

the whole drive home

down pitch-dark empty roads

he was spinning it

pointing it

cocking and un-cocking the hammer

annoying everyone else in the car

they were already jealous that he found the gun

so they told him quit fuckin' around

he said

check this out

and turned it around

pointing right at his face

with his thumb on the trigger

and asked if they dared him

and somebody did

with a barrel that short

you can actually see the bullet

that kills you

kyle got a good look

the beretta .22

well

that's a story too ugly and sad

even for me

if these guns could talk

what would they say?

probably something like:

please

put

me

in

your

mouth