Whores Underground

(verse 1)

close the dealership early tonight

thy dick is hard, the stars are right

for you and the boys from the country club

to exercise the craft of love

the local chamber of commerce

just hanging out in a place with a death curse

beyond the rusted gate

hidden pleasures wait

among the crumbling monuments

small business owners pitch their tents

ties are loosened, shirts untucked

the gang's all here to fuck

(chorus)

six thousand steps going down

party with whores underground

pleasured moaning sounds

from beneath the earthen mound

they care not what you do

or which hole you do it to

their lips are cold and kind of blue

whores underground wait for you

(verse 2)

what your wife don't know won't kill her

drown your doubts in lukewarm Miller

your courage up, descend

with dick in hand to join your friends

though drink has made you bold

the well-worn stone is slick with mold

hear the sounds of squelching flesh

look for one that's fresh

do you come here often?

what's a girl like you doing in a coffin?

one thing i gotta know, so i'll ask it:

ever been buttfucked in a casket?

(verse 3)

you've got your red blazer on

here to get some head by dawn

in this boy's club, you're a chick

raiding tombs for dick

enter the ancient crypt

walls inscribed with hieroglyphics

the coffin lid is pried

so you can ride the prize inside

a ten inch pharaonic rod

wrapped in gauze, dry as sawdust

the bandages'll scratch

when stuffed up in your snatch

the chafing won't feel very nice

as you rub in the secret spices

shriveling your pussy lips

to teriyaki jerky strips

and yet you still get wet

juices soak the priest of Set

getting soggy as you gush

melting into mummy mush

your cankles to your waist

are painted with putrescent paste

your boyfriend steaming human mud

ask him 'was it good?'

Gay Married to God

(verse 1)

from home to work and back again in my car

i drink alone in a crowded bar

there's lots of ladies, but i don't give a damn

i just came to hear the shithouse poetry slam

well i was cornered by a big-titted broad

she told me that she'd like to butter my cob

i leave alone--you think it's odd?

i'm saving myself because i'm married to God

(chorus)

g-g-g-g-g-gay married to God

(verse 2)

you reject a life of celibacy

committing flagrant acts of intimacy

you will be punished in hell for your crimes

and i hope you have a wonderful time

when i go to my final reward

i'll get to dwell in the house of the Lord

a purple palace of perpetual sodomy

i read about it in Doo-Deuteronomy

(verse 3)

my death is coming and i hope that it's soon

it's not the end because it's our honeymoon

i'm hot-n-ready for the consummation

the immaculate ejaculation

Heavenly Father, fuck me harder than Job

let's see what's underneath that sparkling robe

i would discover, to my surprise

YHWH is uncircumcised

(verse 4)

i could be an abusive spouse

smack Jehova around the house

after bedtime, i'll come creeping

touching Jesus while he's sleeping

lay around and be a slob

just drink beer and stuff my gob

don't tell me i should get a job

i don't need to work, because i'm married to God

BTDS

(verse 1)

Uncle Jud's

Pecker Stench

comes in a little glass outhouse bottle

pull the stopper

from the top and

put a few drops on your genital wattle

Sally Mae

and Peggy Sue

follow their snouts to your burlap trousers

they pull them down

and crowd around

inspect your gadget till you wanna say "wowzers!"

they lick the pole

and suck the bag but

the smell's so strong it makes them gag

now

vomit is caked

two inches deep

in your matted-down pubic fur

yes SIR

(chorus)

big time dick stink

getting them promotions

big time dick stink

with the power of the potion

big time dick stink

giving indecent notions

big time dick stink

and it's causing a commotion

(verse 2)

presentation

to the boss

the vice presidents with their golden watches

none of them stand

out like you cuz

they don't have the flies buzzin over their crotches

the old man likes

big cigars

it goes in his mouth if it's brown and smelly

he gets a whiff

of your groinal spliff

and crawls on the floor like a snake on his belly

he puts his hands

on your knees

a rat drawn to the smell of cheese

and

out his lunch martinis blow

now you are thee CEO

Kill the Type A's

(verse 1)

another day

at the ass-kissing factory

live at the office

cuz you hate your own family

a dedicated motivated

self-starter

raising the bar

so that we all work harder

you never miss

cuz you come in sick

spread the flu around

like a snotty little prick

you're a real go-getter

go get up against a wall

like a Riddle-Me-With-Submachinegun-Bullets

Elmo doll

(chorus)

eat or be eaten

fuck or get fucked

if things don't work out

it's just cuz you suck

some people work hard

to keep it this way

i've got the solution:

kill the Type A's

(verse 2)

you don't have any hobbies

and your job is your life

you're passionate about it

cuz your work is your wife

why do vultures appear

every time you're near?

there's something rotten here

you say that you're a doer

and i say that you're done

you think that you're a winner

so let's see what you've won

here's a first-place trophy

and it's filled with your brains

i blew 'em outta your head

because you make me deranged

(verse 3)

i have a dream

and it may seem crazy:

a dictatorship

of the lazy

a genocide

in my spare time

i decide your fate

from my recliner

and every day

is casual day

there's lots of casualties

to carry away

with the bucket

of an excavator

nah, fuck it

i'll do it later

Drugcoven Clubhouse

powder pigs

acid sluts

roaches in the open cut

don't wuss out, quit hesitatin'

come on, kid, come worship Satan

take a hit

don't be a drag

if you say no

you are a fag

this shit here is on the level

give your body to the Devil