Breakfast of Hellions

(verse 1)

when the running dogs of soggy

imperialistic corn flakes test you,

pour a bowl of Juche goodness

"Kim Jong Un-Os" to the rescue

with a new special edition

produced in North Korean jails,

for a limited time only:

"Oops! All Pulled-Out Fingernails"

send away a list of names

of your granola-eating neighbors

we will reeducate their taste buds

in the only correct flavor

(chorus)

there's hateful spite in every bite

they're tragically delicious

enriched with Vitamin Evil

to turn your children vicious

with human skull and assault rifle-

shaped marshmellow bits

these real-life monster cereals

will satisfy your little shits

(verse 2)

with calcium and vitamins

you need for growing human bombs,

the only brand endorsed by God:

Nigerian Mills' "Choco-Harams"

reading the Nutrition Facts or

puzzles on the back's forbidden

every box contains a prize:

one free stone to throw at women

mail in 50 UPCs

(to play you must be seven)

then strap on this special vest

and win a trip to heaven

(verse 3)

before you end your killing spree

by charging head-on at the cops,

if you want to take some with you,

be sure to eat your "Slaughter Pops"

you can join the likes of Harris,

Cho, Lanza, and many more

it could be your face on the box

if you get the new high score

but even if you're not the greatest

you can still get on the news

with just a gun and bad intentions

you can be a monster too

McFaggot

(verse 1)

if you want to know why I'm dressed like a clown

it's to gather my ingredients on the playground

free range little rascals lured with lollipops

they're over chickenpox and guaranteed to have their shots

I'm like Ronald McDonald, my burgers are low cost

and by the way, you just got AIDS from my special sauce

if you ever want to know just what was in that meat

it used to be called Billy and it lived across the street

(chorus)

I touch little boys because I'm a McFaggot

you'll see your kid again when he's covered in maggots

or maybe you'll taste him mixed in with your beef

and your Happy Meal prize is a necklace of baby teeth

animal balloon for the kids in my pocket

a spitting cobra and now it's in your eye socket

I'm lovin' it with my dick in the wrong hole

Hamburgling your innocence, I desecrate the soul

(verse 2)

the children are so small, I just love them all

waiting for them underneath the colorful balls

not all the balls are plastic, Little Lary

you just grabbed a pair that are small and hairy

sometimes I'm waiting in the plastic tubes

to show your children my bright orange pubes

or at the bottom of the slide with my arms open wide

do you want your kid grilled or deep fat fried?

(bridge)

there's a mess in playland and I've gotta clean it up

some slutty little scamp ran wild as he pleased

with a 20-piece of chocolate nuggets comin' from his butt

there was shit in his britches and scabs on his knees

he left a dotted line of nutty lumps for me to follow

through the plastic habitrail to show me where he's been

every couple feet a fecal treat for me to swallow

I didn't bring a mop, so now I get to lick it clean

he made a brown streak when he rode down the slide

defiling my palace, this little Dennis the Menace

he had a good time, but now there's nowhere to hide

cuz I've got somethin' for ya and it's purple like the Grimace

A Crimescene in Candyland

(verse 1)

candy buttons dot my skin

my asshole's full of gummi worms

a swedish fish swum up my dickhole

every time i piss it burns

my pearly whites have rotted black

i sweep the dead teeth in a pile

plug candy corn into the sockets

fill the spaces in my smile

lurking on the gumdrop path

my victims chosen randomly

for sweet sadistic sugar-coated

sick psychotic sodomy

(chorus)

i bake my implements of hell

confectionery albert fish

trapped in my gingerbread basement

they're bound and whipped with licorice

silencing the cries for help

a mouthfull of black jellybeans

a crimescene in candyland

the cemetary of sweet dreams

(verse 2)

deep in the molasses swamp

lie the victims of my rape

buried under cookie crumbles

mummified in bubble tape

ants blacken the gumball eyes

wasps eat the cotton candy brains

dead bodies pinned like butterflies

crucified with candy canes

lurking on the gumdrop path

my victims chosen randomly

for sweet sadistic sugar-coated

sick psychotic sodomy

Meat-Gun Suicide

(intro)

what's up guys, i learned a neat trick

now do you wanna see me suck my own dick?

(verse 1)

one day i found

i could almost reach if i just lean down

took up kung fu

studied for months until i could do

crane-style self-suck

legs behind head, try to not get stuck

once i'm down there

i'm not even coming up for air

(chorus)

twisted like a pretzel, living in bed

a liquid protein diet's all that i'm fed

i pretty much suck so i'm better off dead

of a self-inflicted cumshot to the head

(chorus)

MEAT-GUN SUICIDE! (repeated)

(verse 2)

look mom, no hands

i can multitask while i drain my glands

this IS homework

i might suck, but i'm not a jerk

smoke my beef bong

like autofellatio tommy chong

let loose and then

choke on a wad of testicular phlegm

i give myself a kiss

where my ding dong drips

i wanna fucking die

with my balls on my lips